Published on: 08 Nov 03:51

Njegoš asks

Cousin and his wife keep calling me to come over and stay for a few days, but they have 3 spoiled children and I don't wanna deal with that crap again. I've ran out of excuses as to why I can't come. What's my excuse?

My answer

Inform Cousin+Wife that their three spoiled children are actually your own parents. Yeah. All three. Bonus points if they're all the same gender. You daren't come around because they're abusive and they beat you.

If Cousin+Wife retort that this is impossible because (1) offspring are produced by two parents not three, and (2) they've known you longer than their three brats have existed, hotly retort by pointing out that their three brats figured out how to combine their literally embryonic powers like a kind of horrible maternal Captain Planet, then gave birth to you while they were still inside their mum's womb.

Mum didn't even notice your birth from first their combined interior-womb and then your escape from her exterior-womb because she's just such a horrifically negligent parent, and that's what caused their propensity for abuse, so everything's actually her fault and she should feel terrible.

If one or both continue to give you any crap about this, tell them that the only reason their three sprogs possess Captain-Planet-powers in the first place is the same reason the Planeteers do, in the cartoon: their surrounding pollution levels are off the scale, and choke them and stifle them and bleach their bones. It's wrecking them. Cultivation of Captain-Planet-esque powers is the only way they can fight back. Mum should perhaps consider throttling back on the fags and booze and cocaine and meth. Tell both that Pablo Escobar called you at 3am yet again, pleading about "oh man, I thought I was a tough-as-nails coke kingpin, but this broad's nose is a bottomless pit! I sold twenty thousand tons of cocaine last year. She snuffled up the lot! You couldn't have a word with her, could you? I pity her kids, is all."

Either that or tell them their infants out-whiskey'd you again and your hangover is crippling.

Another answer to the same question: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...