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Glorious goose stockpiles, sphincter vigilance, and all pooing is gay: today's TERRIBLE advice

Phwoar TurquoisePanda5263 asks My mom tells me to not try to pet a goose. My friends tell me to not try to pet a goose. I want to pet a goose. What do? Other than y’know…the typical dad advice… 🤣 My answerThere is a ...

NSFW Shite Advice

AT LAST an etiquette guide on pistol duels against paleoconservative Gentleman-penises: today's ...

GrayHeron9112 asks As a girlie who's never seen a d*ck before but is soon going to, I really need some advice... What am I expected to do with it? My answer I'm so glad you've come to me! Your worries are over. There's nothing a ...

The Arsenal FC Shit-Kickers, paramilitary parsnips, rectal slumber, and you glorious maniac: ...

Tara asks I’m at work right now and just got a message that there are a bunch of police with rifles and riot shields gathered together at the apartment complex where I live. What should I do? My answer Rifles AND riot shields? Are ...

Why exploding UK's Parliament is constipation's stretchiest adversary: today's TERRIBLE advice

Pete asks I ate a whole bag of grated cheese yesterday and now I’m constipated. How poo? My answer Can't you attempt to blow up the United Kingdom Houses of Parliament with a quarter of a ton of gunpowder? The last person ...

Why every Portuguese Man O'War prowls for Kardashian buttocks: today's TERRIBLE advice

Brett asks I went swimming in the ocean, but keep finding Portuguese Man O’War washed ashore … What do? My answer Oh dear god. You again. We both know where you're going with this. You're "finding" them. Bullshit. ...

NSFW Shite Advice

Today's TERRIBLE advice: how George Foreman being an oafish piece of poontang dovetails with ...

Pat and/or Mohammed Ali asks after sleeping with my mistress and going three rounds last night..,, i am as sore as hell ,.. and now my girlfriend is planning a romantic night tonight with fireplace and all,.. how do i avoid sex ...

129 racisms against the Deaf, the Air Force, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Physics: your path to voice ...

Steven asks I’m a voice actor and have been sick for 4 weeks and lost my voice. I have a contract due tomorrow with 129 voice prompts. What do? Honestly it’s stressing me out, please no OOC My answer Why not perform all your lines ...

Trounce incontinence by fighting fire with splashy splashy fire: today's TERRIBLE advice

Inspired by Billy Connolly's Incontinence Pants, perhaps? Shikari asks I use soaked tissues to wipe the muzzle of my hose after peeing. This sometimes makes the area around the zipper wet, which unfortunately makes some people in my ...

Today's TERRIBLE advice: on abducting The Mouth Of Sauron for illustrious emotional tampon purposes

EnthusiasticMoose9731 asks In a group discussion about dental work, I complimented someone on their lovely teeth in front of someone with really obviously bad teeth and now I feel like a complete arse. What do? My ...

Why your mega-dweeb-0 work buddies yowl for your alleged-anthrax-coke: today's TERRIBLE advice

Whilst writing this, I'd genuinely forgotten there's a band called Anthrax. What the hell. Enjoy. BrightChestnut8194 asks Quitting weed and I can't sleep. Gotta be up for work in 3 hours....what do? My answer Most people would ...

Sexyverse book cover design contest gets seriously molten

[First written in March 2023, and I'd only just now realised I'd not posted this! Posting now:] Slightly naughty content ahead! I’ve been banging out a series of stories, and the time has come to publish. That means neat cover ...

NSFW Shite Advice

Today's TERRIBLE advice: on protecting your front bottom from relativistic man-swords by ...

Merry asks Husband is fairly well endowed, definitely above average. He’s always been able to put a hurting on that kitty. I lost a bunch of weight and now the kitty is more accessible and doesn’t have any cushion in the way. He ...

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.