Published on: 08 Nov 08:18

India asks

How do I stop mice from stealing my meds? I've tried keeping it in a mouse proof container but then I just lose the container. Also taking advice for finding the mouse proof container full of my meds.

My answer

Instead of a mouse-proof container, use a dumpster. Brim it with vast mountains of your meds. Not only is a dumpster quite difficult to lose (trust me, I've tried), but even vast numbers of starving mice will find it difficult to consume the entire amount of meds. Refill it daily. Sure, it's a tad pricey, but you'll be doing your bit for Big Pharma and nitro-boosting the capitalist economy. Spend spend spend!

Also your local mice will be the healthiest mice in the goddamn universe. And grateful. You could probably summon them like a horrible living carpet and command them to swarm your enemies like nauseatingly huggable army ants. Or, hell, why not construct a rodent chariot? Just imagine cruising down your local town's main street on a Saturday night, resplendent in a magnificent golden chariot pulled by 100,000,000 steroid-infused field mice hungering to return your generosity in any way you'd like, and they do mean *any* way. Take it from me, mice are nuts like that. Almost frighteningly eager.

But even just the chariot, man! I've found a mouse chariot's 0-60 figures must be experienced to be believed. You'd be the hippest dude and/or dudette in town. Nauseatingly attractive members of the gender(s) of your choice will flock to you. Unless you bump into a Big Pharma shill with an even mightier rodent chariot. Then you'd better watch it.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...