Published on: 08 Nov 09:13

Becky asks

First day of my new job. I've hardly slept and extremely tired. How do I over come this? I don't like tea or coffee.

My answer

Managers are generally fairly good sports about cutting first-dayers a bit of slack. You shall harness and abuse this.

Simply make your first day last literally forever. What you do is, you redirect ten thousand comets from the outer fringes of the Solar System. Arc them down from the Oort Cloud and collide them all into the Earth at once, in a great ring around the Equator, glancing side-on blows, shoving against the Earth's rotation until a standard 360-degree rotation takes an entire year. Tidally-lock that sucker. If you're unfamiliar with tidal locking, our own Moon does this too: its rotation period is the same as its year, so it always shows the same face inwards. Do this with Earth too, and the Sun will always remain in the same spot, all the time. Infinite daytime.

Finally, as the impacts' life-strangling mushroom clouds snuff out all life on Earth forever, you can enjoy your job's everlasting first day. Problem solved.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...