Soy milk ... ohhhdearlord.

Oh what the hell. Story time! So okay. I have horrific and mutilatory childhood memories of attempting to use soy milk on cereal like regular milk.

God, it was horrible. At least the version of me at age ten felt mutilated and disgusted and betrayed and horrified. Soy “milk”. Gah. A fake! A fraud! A phoney! A faux-milk loathsome substitute skulking in milk cartons, posing as good honest cows' milk. Corruption and foulness! Deception and disgust! Even the thought made me squirm.

When I was about … ten, I think, I can to this day still recall various far-flung Conservative family members whispering. They whispered in furtive tones of both the Homosexual Agenda, and the Vegetarian Agenda, in equal, nose-wrinkling measure.

At that age I’d heard of neither. But various loved ones insisted they were horrible. (Or at least, individuals who my mum claimed were loved ones (and looking back now, I doubt she loved these rellies but didn’t feel it’d go well to “make a fuss” about her concerns, and yup I use that phrase deliberately)). These alleged Loved Ones stamping their disapproval upon both Agendas surely counted for something, right? Right?

Apparently this horrid disgusting fake soy crap was this Vegetarian/Homosexual Agenda hard at work, infiltrating our childrens’ bedrooms, corrupting, gangrening, polluting. I couldn’t see any problem myself. In fact, child-me deemed these bedroom infiltrations kinda awesome. For at that point in my life, my only reference point re bedroom infiltrations was Father Christmas or Santa Claus or Sergeant Spacedicks or whatever the hell he’s called these days. What’s the problem? That sounds amazing! Bring on the Agendas!

But 10yo-me didn't much relish the vibe these distant rellies oozed. They stunk of cigarette smoke and whiskey and all wore thick horn-rimmed glasses and stinky cardigans and played snooker in dark pubs and were so fat they waddled and listened to horse racing radio and they got out of breath and sweaty attempting long sentences, let alone long walks ...

... But if they shared my entirely reasonable and correct fiery loathing of soy milk and this Vegetarian Agenda, they couldn't be all bad, right? Right?

Fast forward a few years. Teens-me discovered there's a Thing called "Gay".

I discovered that some of my friends possess this Gay. And my first reaction was this same squirmy loathing produced by soy milk.

I could not for the life of me figure out why. Half a dozen of my childhood friends turned out to have some Gay. They’d been cool cats whilst small children and remain cool cats as teens. Why this revulsion? Where’s it coming from?

Then I chatted more with a few of them, learned more about recent recent decades of historical gayness, and the word "Agenda" came up.

I was astonished to discover Gay and Homosexual meant the same thing. And this fired off a whole bunch o' childhood memories.

And I was enlightened.

(Incidentally, I read a interview some years back of the former New Zealand prime minister Helen Clark: at age seven, she had a similar unsettling epiphany upon discovering that “chooks”, those adorable birds which cluck and lay eggs and scratch the ground for insects and are your dear friends, were the same things as “chickens”, the glad-wrapped meat in polystyrene containers from the supermarket.)

Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/the-homosex...