Published on: 10 Nov 02:20
Soy milk ... ohhhdearlord.
Oh what the hell. Story time! So okay. I have horrific and mutilatory childhood memories of attempting to use soy milk on cereal like regular milk. God, it was horrible. At least the version of me at age ten felt mutilated and disgusted and betrayed and horrified by it. A fake, a fraud, a phoney, a faux-milk loathsome substitute lurking in milk cartons, posing as good honest cows' milk. Corruption and foulness! Deception and disgust! Even the thought made me squirm.
When I was about ... ten, I think, I can still to this day recall various far-flung extended and Conservative family members whisper in furtive tones of both the Homosexual Agenda, and the Vegetarian Agenda, in equal, disgusted measure. At that age, I had never heard of either. But if various loved ones insisted they were horrible (or at least individuals who my mum insisted with furrowed brow were loved ones (and looking back now as an adult, I doubt she much liked these people either but didn't feel that it'd go at all well to "make a fuss" about her concerns, and yes I use that phrase deliberately)) ... then the stamp of disapproval by these alleged Loved Ones surely counted for something, right? Right?
Apparently this horrid disgusting fake soy crap was this Vegetarian Agenda hard at work, infiltrating our childrens' bedrooms. I couldn't see the problem myself, in fact I deemed this kinda awesome: my only reference point was Father Christmas or Santa Claus or Sergeant Spacedicks or whatever the hell he's called these days. What's the problem? That sounds amazing!
But 10yo-me didn't much relish the vibe these distant rellies oozed. They stunk of cigarette smoke and whiskey and all wore thick horn-rimmed glasses and stinky cardigans and played snooker in dark pubs and were so fat they waddled and listened to horse racing radio and they got out of breath and sweaty attempting long sentences, let alone long walks ...
... But if they shared my entirely reasonable and correct fiery loathing of soy milk and this Vegetarian Agenda, they couldn't be all bad, right? Right?
Fast forward a few years. Turns out there's a Thing called "Gay". Turns out some of my friends have this Gay. My first reaction was this same squirmy loathing produced by soy milk. And I could not for the life of me figure out why. Half a dozen of my childhood friends turned out to have some Gay. They'd been cool cats whilst children and remain cool cats now. Why this revulsion?
Then I chatted more with a few of them, learned more about recent recent decades of historical gayness, and the word "Agenda" came up. I was astonished to discover Gay and Homosexual meant the same thing. This fired off a whole bunch o' childhood memories.
(I read a Helen Clark interview: at age seven, she had a similar unsettling epiphany upon discovering that "chooks", those adorable birds which cluck and lay eggs and scratch the ground for insects and are your dear friends, were the same things as "chickens", the glad-wrapped meat in polystyrene containers from the supermarket.)
Source: https://www.facebook.com/WinterCedar/posts/1015881...
