Published on: 06 Dec 05:37

Iain asks

How to get rid of a haemorrhoid?

My answer

The current record holder for the fastest ever artificial object (excluding individual subatomic particles inside the Large Hadron Collider) is a womanhole cover travelling at 125,000mph, propelled straight up by a nuclear explosion below: https://www.zmescience.com/.../fastest-manmade-object.../

What you do is, next time someone decides to do an underground nuclear test beneath a womanhole, you weld a steel dildo onto the womanhole and pointing up, place your bodyweight upon the dildo and pressing up into your haemorrhoid ... and wait.

When the nuke detonates below, the womanhole cover and dildo will travel the ~3cm required to physically compress your haemorrhoid back into your body in 0.0000005369 seconds.

Incidentally, if you attempted to cure every case of haemorrhoids like this, you could theoretically cure 1,862,500 cases a second.

(Incidentally x2, every so often we all encounter kerfuffles re manhole. Apparently that's sexist. There was a city council meeting I encountered a few years ago mandating "personhole". Sigh. I do actually genuinely support anti-sexism in general, but "personhole"? Aah. No thank you. I do actually enjoy "womanhole": it's exactly as sexist, but the anti-sexist crowd generally have zero idea how to react to it. Not least because it puts everyone in mind of vaginas. It's great fun tweaking them.)

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...