Published on: 16 Dec 06:28

Lacey asks

Have to go see a kidney specialist tomorrow to find out what’s wrong with them…..how should I prepare?

I’ve already drank 3 monster energy drinks and ate a ton of bad/unhealthy things.

****nothin about fucking because that’s been over played****

My answer

Is there such a thing as Groucho glasses for internal organs? See how many other of your internal organs you can plausibly dress up and disguise as kidneys, if for no other reason than to see the look on the kidney specialist's face when they discover you apparently have eleven of them.

Failing that, locate nine other actual genuine kidneys and make them all operate at once. Get those fuckers cranking around your torso like a WW2 aircraft radial piston engine. Get 'em so efficient at extracting crap from your blood that your blood becomes ultra-pure and ultra-potent and turns into a cross between $5k-bottle-wine and Asterix's magic potion.

That said, if you make your new kidneys do too magnificent a job, your new-fangled super-blood might begin attracting the wrong social class of vampire. We can all tolerate bogan vampires, they're at least a good laugh, but old-school Christopher-Lee-esque vampires are the most overrated dullards you'll ever meet. Ever tried rap-battling one? Most don't even have the wit to zing you back. Occasional exceptions though. Cher is decent.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...