Published on: 07 Oct 08:34

Lauren asks

My rabbits insist that they're starving to death. They were fed twenty minutes ago but they're already back at their bowl begging. What do?

Hard mode: no rabbit stew, no animal f-ing.

My answer

Set up a TV or laptop and play them the movie Alive on infinite loop. Then turn a snow machine upon them. Then start barbecuing whole rabbits in front of them incredibly slowly. Then eat the barbecued rabbits in the most orgasmic way you know how. Then start sharpening a really massive pair of butchers' cleavers. By now it should be their dinnertime again. Drizzle rabbit-munchies into their bowl and inform them you'll let them live this time. This time.

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