Published on: 08 Oct 20:38

Αναστασία asks

I met a cute girl at the train station today. We talked a lot while waiting for our trains to come but I only got to know her first name and where she lives, before her train arrived. I looked her up on facebook and found her but we have no mutual friends or groups. How can I contact her without being creepy?

My answer

Here's the ultimate, perfect anti-creep treatment.

Step One: go through her entire Facebook friends list. Stalk every single one. Learn each one and their entire personalities and their lives, inside and out, so that you may then convincingly impersonate or mimic the whole lot.

Step Two: inform your beloved gawjus protodahlink, masquerading as every single friend or family-member she'd ever known, one after another, that you are a bombastic, cruel, domineering asshole.

Why? Creeps are creepy usually because they're fake-nice: bombastic assholes are the group least likely to suffer from perceived creepiness. Problem solved.

Thus softened up with news of a gazillion red flags, your latest cutie will therefore become delicious putty in your monstrous hands. I bet she loves girly-girl music or some shit. Take her to see a really wholesome band. Like Cannibal Corpse.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...