Three tons of beefy coffee beans contain HOW many calories?

Consent is sexy

Published on: 07 Oct 08:49

Joshua asks

I have a blood test in 2 hours and I can't eat or drink anything until then with more calories than black coffee. What should I have for breakfast?

My answer

Grind three tons of coffee beans down to the consistency of talcum powder, add just enough water to make it into a thick slurry, add juuuuust enough beef seasoning to make its scent vaguely resemble that of a cow, pour the slurry into a cow-shaped mould, roast it for 1h59m, then enjoy your delicious coffee-y beef-scented calorie-free feast. Your doctor will be ever so pleased.

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