Published on: 19 May 04:40

(I tried to locate a vaguely relevant image, but searching "consensual slaughtering" returned little non-horrible imagery, so here's a photo of Shaft instead. He seems a chill dude, he'd probably be cool with this.)

Mandi asks

What are some great low carb vegan meals?

My answer

High-quality vegan food? Why not nomnomnom upon vegans themselves? There's serious precedent. Depending on the exact variant of vegan philosophy, some are 100%-chill with, say, breast milk dairy products: this is the one occasion that the animal supplying the Product, an adult human female, is able to provide or withhold their full informed consent. So zero quasi-ethical funny business, whew.

This is merely another teeny-tiny giga-leap further. Vegans taking one for the team? Actually volunteering for consumption Imagine the publicity! A glorious PR bonanza! You and they could team up with various butchers' and abattoirs' long-suffering PR teams by together pioneering a range of luxury meat cuts plastered with great glossy photos of these vegans striding into slaughterhouses with heads held high, and offering to sharpen the blades of their near-future comrades-in-arms. Though, geez, plastering photos of the actual process of slaughtering across public supermarket products could go really dark really quickly, so you'd best counterbalance these images with the vegans squirming with joyous ecstasy ... perhaps they could pair up and start 69ing? Offset the bloodshed with a few cheeky quickies? And if anyone complains, you can always fall back to the classic "well how do you think you get regular meat? These rabbits were at it like rabbits!"

Pro-vegan allies are everywhere. Wasn't there that German murder trial a few years back involving Man A making it 100% clear to Man B that he was totally okay with B killing and eating him? Were they vegans? I don't recall this emerging during the trial coverage, but can't hurt to ask. Why not reach out to both and ask their advice? Similar deal with that cow in Douglas Adams's novel "The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe" [1]: its breeders sidestepped the ethical quagmire in question by breeding an animal genuinely desirous of slaughter and consumption and capable of saying so in a loud, clear voice. It's been years since I'd read it, but I recall the cow in question being a beacon of level-headed sanity and earthy common sense. Rare words indeed, in these days of supersonic hedgehog brothers and ready-sliced golf shots. [2]

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[1] http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8695

[2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBURlcNpfoo

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