Published on: 27 Oct 21:31

Nichelle asks

Having an HR meeting today at work, what do to cause discourse? 🫢

My answer

Why not out-HR the HR person? Everyone knows that attack is the best form of defence. Collect and/or hallucinate written statements from every other employee in the entire company, in a ginormous paper stack, insisting that this HR person has been in breach of every single company policy, all at once, including the employee-contract's Secret Clauses about the Heinous Punishments for wrecking the team performance in your industry's annual cross-company limbo contest. The HR person's massive swollen head couldn't fit under the limbo bar. The HR person's massive swollen head cost your company the Dastardly Dancer trophy. The HR person's massive swollen head is the cause of everyone's woes. See? Just read these employee statements! Flap that ginormous paper stack of alleged written statements in your HR person's face, then flick each sheet of paper at their nose like they're a shit stripper and you're getting rid of your loosest change.

Punishment time. Inform them that if they'd practiced what they preached and actually read their own contract, they'd know the punishment for a Limbo-defeatist is a week's imprisonment inside one of those huge rotating elephant-legs you see in kebab stores. If your HR person wishes to avoid being carved and sliced into a thousand thousand kebabs, they'd better learn how to make disgusting anti-kebab bleating sounds to repel hammered Saturday night customers, and fast. But working at your company should have already given them all the training they'll ever need. Right?

Original: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...