Published on: 04 Mar 07:18
Kirsten asks
I have massive trust issues and get worried/anxious when my bf goes out drinking w/out me. What do?
My answer
Isn't it obvious?
Here's what I usually do. Works a treat, trust me. Create a brand new disguise persona for yourself as Hardcore Hank, the toughest and most capacious male boozer in town. Host pub crawl after pub crawl, draining every bar in town completely dry, for weeks at a time. Accidentally-on-purpose bump into your hubby of an evening, then immediately shatter the boozer's tranquility with a deafening roar of blokey friendship and mutual respect. Chest-bump him a few thousand times, as us lads always do when no ladies are around, honest, then challenge him to the grand-daddy of all drinking contests. We're talking absinthe kegs. Whiskey monsoon buckets. Moonshine tsunamis. Ethanol enemas. The liver is evil and must be punished. Get cracking.
After several hours, your husband will be so hammered he'll question his own existence. Whip off your Hardcore Hank threads and then scream, as hubby's beloved waifu, that you have at last penetrated this loathsome hive of scum and villainy and you'll Save Him from horrid horrid Hardcore Hank. Conduct a volcanically violent one-woman wrestling match between yourself and Hank, bouncing off the walls, smashing tables, snapping neighbours' necks. Your beau will be so smashed he won't realise it's just you going absolutely mental.
As Hank, scream that you'd become forever transfixed with bitter envy at hubby's spectacular python cock, and just simply had to whiskey-dick it from existence. As yourself, scream that Hank shall never defeat your beloved as long as you draw breath. Punch the air before you, then scream happily in your husband's face that your Hank-punch was so punchy it simply deleted him from existence like you're both in the Matrix. Crisis over, both hubby and hubby's glorious python cock are safe from the world's Hardcore Hanks.
Your husband will naturally be so besotted with you, he'll never leave your side again. Problem solved.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545286786317245/po...
