Published on: 27 Jul 15:58

Angie asks

It’s 4.30am and I can’t sleep as every time I drift off my legs jump really vigorously

What do ?

My answer

Loads of solutions:

• Never sleep again
• Chop your legs off each night before bed
• Mistress the subtle art of sleeping whilst handstanding
• Hijack a space shuttle and sleep in zero gravity
• Hijack the Vomit Comet and sleep in 90-second spurts
• Have I misunderstood "drift"? Could you have meant it in the sense of "The Fast And the Furious: Tokyo Drift"? Maybe stop doing donuts and wheelies and snooze in a proper bed.
• Alternately, why be such a buzzkill, dude? Why not embrace your freakish gift? Why not join your country's Olympic Games athletic team? You could totally enter the High Jump. You could set new high jump world records whilst fast asleep: the deeper your slumber, the mightier and more vigorous your leg-jumping. Just picture yourself entering the athletics stadium resplendent in a uniform plastered with sponsorship deals from sleep-allied companies like Ambien and Casper Mattresses and whichever hipster-CBD-oil-sleep-aid is most in fashion these days (perhaps 50ftcl.it/snooze). You begin your high-jump run-up, get some serious speed, approach the bar, glance up at the stadium's TVs broadcasting Tokyo Drift at ear-splitting volume, and instantly fall fast asleep. Your legs jump like they'd never jumped before, and your pins piston you straight up and into the stadium's covered roof, new world record! To wake you up again, get the stadium staff to turn the 10km-run water jump into some kind of caffeine-y espresso sheep dip, and if you aim your leg-jump-pistoning just right, you could actually land and splash into it and wake fast. Result!

Original: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545286786317245/po...