Published on: 22 Mar 21:13
Mandy asks
I am a competitive baker (I enter into fairs and other contests). I experiment and try new recipes a lot and I give those cookies to my friends so they can give me their opinions.
Anyways my problem. One of my best friendβs friend (who I cannot stand, is not my friend and has always been a complete b!tch to me) has demanded I make her cookies for her wedding. Did not ask, just gave me a list of 24 different cookies and said I needed to start baking these and bringing them to her so she can decide what 12 she wanted at her wedding for a cookie table. I was suffocated by the amount of audacity she had so I did not reply anything, yet.
So what (the absolute F U C K) do?
My answer
Did she say anything about their desired size? Bake 24 city-sized cookies and threaten to drop them on her from a tremendous height. Then bill her extra for your extra-speedy courier delivery service.
If she complains, tell her this:
"You reckon I'm bluffing? Eh? Ever heard of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_Shoemaker%E2%80%93Levy_9? No? No, of course your kind hasn't. [Pronounce the entire URL, character by character, that'll really piss her off.] Back in 1992 I met a really really bitchy alien, holding her summer wedding on Jupiter. She demanded sweet cakes and treats as you demand them. I baked twenty absolutely ginormous comet-sized cookies, then slammed them into her wedding location, one by one. You could see Jupiter's impact scars from Earth. Astronomers went nuts about 'em for months, it was awesome. Get the message yet, luv?"
Original: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...
