Brett asks

I lost 150+lbs and I was going to have life changing skin removal surgery scheduled for a few days ago but insurance denied 100% of the cost of the procedure. What dooo?

My answer

I have no idea what species you are, but for the purposes of this answer I'll assume you're a hippo. Or at least tell your insurance company you're a hippo. Why? Hippos are infamous for having incredibly thick skin. Like, to the point of almost being bulletproof. To bring down hippos, hunters must use huge specialist bullets. Bog-standard handgun bullets or even rifle bullets often merely enrage the hippo. So tell your insurance company that you've spent the last twenty years being a hippo bank robber; that you'd battering-rammed through every bank front door and every vault you could find and sucked it clean and shrugged off all security guard weapons fire like a ginormous chubby Terminator; that not even Fort Knox holds much challenge or magic any more; and you just want to hang up your hat and retire to some kind of generic tropical island crammed with babes of all genders, and remove your 150lb of bullet-pockmarked dermal armour once and for all and feel ever so gloriously cool and free and slender and slim ... and your insurance will pay for it. Or else.

For should they shirk their responsibilities, hint ominously that you might just exit your well-earned retirement, smash into their corporate headquarters' lobby, bulldoze your way up their skyscraper, and pulverise the building's innards floor by floor, as your ancient and pockmarked 150lb hippo-hide shrugs off even their guards' mightiest weapons fire. As their board of directors cowers quivering in their top-floor offices as the sounds of equine destruction crash ever closer, you should totally roar "YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE ME PETITE WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE! I AM A DELICATE FLOWER!"

Original: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545286786317245/po...