I was just publicly shamed for breastfeeding at an outdoor fall festival whilst entirely covered. What do?! 🤣
Girl! You've struck gold! This is the opportunity of a lifetime! Here's what you do:
First: while these complete Bastards are partying elsewhere, sneak into their own festival tent, then replace every single clothing item of theirs with identical instant tearaway stripper clothes.
Second, wait a day or two for the Bastards to rotate their clothing choices with your faux replacements.
Third, you dress yourself as a vast and hulking adult baby, nappy and pacifier and all, then stalk these Bastards until they're sitting down at a park bench somewhere.
Now bring five friends. Get Friend #1 to distract them, so that you and Friend #2 are able to sneak up on them from behind, unawares. Friend #2 shall instantly wrench off all their tearaway stripper garb, and you shall pounce on every single one of the Bastards' breasts like you're a magnificent hulking tigress, and they're all pairs of haunches of yummy yummy lamb.
Friend #3 is nearby, recording the entire event on video. Friend #4 shall charge up to you all, apparently furious. #4 shall denounce your Bastard-victims as a gaggle of hussies, and a shower of floozies, and how dare they all publicly breastfeed their overgrown and oafish adult children (you), and good GOD their hairdos are an absolute friggin' mess, and they should be ashamed of themselves and how DARE they.
Finally, Friend #5 shall storm up to and confront #4, and loudly denounce #4 as a throwback cavewoman, and screech to high heaven that these Bastards are in fact the essence and embodiment of refined, graceful femininity. All recorded by #3.
Now, simply approach every motherhood and breastfeeding publication in the universe, armed with #3's video, (but don't forget to remove your vast hulking adult-baby costume first (and replace it with grown-up threads)). Portray your anti-breasts Bastards to every single organisation as a shining and glorious beacon of maternal aspiration and pro-breasts defiance.
Play your cards right and your anti-breasts Bastards will be accosted by adoring and sycophantic packs of mums for decades thereafter, wilting under their unearned and bullshit praise as pro-breasts crusaders. That'll teach 'em. Problem solved, sistah.