Published on: 16 Dec 21:27

Mireille asks

Hi. I am a 42 yo woman. How do you buy condoms? (This is a serious question, but I’m def looking for bad advice )

My answer

Locate the grubbiest, most ghetto-esque bit of your city. Walk around until you locate the clump of hoodies who in your professional opinion have the ch0nkiest "drug dealer" vibe. Stride back and forth past them, loudly announcing to no-one in particular how much of a pity it is that every single drug mule in the entire city got swallowed by that Kardashian, and dear oh dear how will the beloved local druggies ever get their fix now? And wouldn't it be wonderful if an enterprising new entrepreneur just happened to step up to the plate and offer their intestinal services? Hint hint? HINT HINT? Saunter past your chosen hoodie-clump a few dozen times, screeching ever louder, until they give you a few condoms full of cocaine just to shut you up. Then cackle, untie the condoms, empty their contents over the nearest undercover cop, cackle again, brandish your hard-won latex prizes aloft, and skedaddle.

Edit: just occurred to me that prolonged cocaine usage causes impotence. I have no idea if cocaine can be absorbed through the skin, but insisting your gent wears a condom caked with coke may make his humping even more vigorous and jittery, but soggier. Can't remember the last time I'd tested this, though that may say more about the nature of the drugs available at such events than anything else. But if you're the kind of total renegade with the wacky smarts to obtain condoms in such a manner in the first place, chances you won't have much trouble frothing him up into enough manic ecstasy to compensate.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...