i accepted another job offer, how should i quit my current job?
List every single member of your current job's senior management in a random order. Then fake and/or steal the identities of each of their spouses.
Using the identity of Manager N's spouse, scream this at Manager N:
"Sorry babe, but I've fallen deeply in love with Manager N+1! I've sold our house, they've sold theirs, we've both stolen both their kids and my kids, and all of us are running away to Las Vegas. We're all getting hitched. Yeah, the kids too! One vast polycule. It'll be bitchin', baby. So only a REAL man and/or woman would dare pursue us and woo me back! Right? RIGHT? Chase me! Chase me! Au revoir, sucker!"