Published on: 06 Sep 22:30
Katrina asks
My boyfriend says he looks at naked girls on Instagram because he used to be a tattoo artist and itβs just art for him. But thatβs literally all he reacts to. What do?
My reply
Why not do what I do? First up, befriend every naked Instagram girl in the entire world. Privately inform each of them you're, like, Mrs Instagram or something, and that you're trying to drive ever-greater levels of web traffic and publicity to your app, and that OBviously the finest and surest method of drumming up gaga eyeballs is nudity nudity nudity, so you figure, why not learn from and cultivate the best? You just had to meet her.
Step Two is a bit twistier, but bear with me. Next, inform this particular naked Instagirl that it's obvious she's stolen her boyfriend's razors. Why? Come on. You must know what men's razorblade advertising is like these days, right? "The ALL NEW Mach 27.7: you've NEVER had such a CLOSE SHAVE!!! Our latest MIRACLE flays off your FLESH! You'll look like one of those ANATOMICAL MUSCLE DIAGRAMS!!! You'll be SO MANLY you'll make TESTOSTERONE look GIRLY!!!!" Yeah. That crap.
It's so obvious that your Instagirl conversant partakes also. Why? Absent skin! Nuder than nude! Instagram's nudity filters are foaming at the mouth! You've never seen such amazing traffic and clicks and profit profit profit! Would Instagirl like to get in on the ground floor? 'Course she would! Welcome aboard, baby.
Do that with the ten thousand most nuder-than-nude girls across all of Instagram. Great. Now it's prank time. Now the real fun begins.
Collude with your Insta-nude Insta-army. Arrange for them a sequence of what at face value seems the most flamboyant, outrageous, and magnificent series of tattoos in existence. Parade them before your boyfriend. Swamp his Instagram feed with an infinite sloshy bounty of gorgeously nude tattoos. Make him explode with ecstasy each time he opens his phone.
Your mental chess pieces are finally in place. Now, change up your Insta-nude Insta-army's tattoo designs. Now they house lettering and messages aimed specifically at him. Do the dishes! My eyes are up here! Stop farting in bed! Chew with your mouth shut you friggin' caveman! Your mother is a harpy! Bring me another pizza! Go down on me until your tongue falls off!
You get the idea. Play your cards right and you could brainwash him via nudey-nude tattoos for decades to come.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545286786317245/po...
