Things worked out well for Twiggy, yeah? Today's TERRIBLE advice

24 Nov 2021

Phoenix asks

I have a flat butt. What do?

My answer

Is that really a problem? Things worked out pretty well for Twiggy.

Consent is sexy❤

Hide NSFW^{(?)

If you don't know, "NSFW" means "Not Safe For Work". PG/R/X-rated content. Raunch! Basically, all the good stuff.} posts
Unblur on hover
Unblur always

best of 2026

For God's sake check your rat traps or a billion flies will kill you

best of 2025

"What’s the most hilariously wrong thing you believed about sex when you were younger?"

best of 2024

How to invoke Germanic royalty to out-skunk the entire universe minus your dog

best of 2023

NSFW Shite Advice

Just as "Featherstonehaugh" is pronounced "Fanshaw", "Wank" is pronounced ...

best of 2022

NSFW Shite Advice

Ever been so hammered you mix up your orifices? Want to? Today's TERRIBLE advice

best of 2021

Why it's the zenith of sound wisdom to amputate every leg in the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice

Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.