Published on: 11 Feb 06:57

Max asks

My dog got sprayed by a skunk and were supposed to fly across the country on Monday. What do?

My answer

You know the UK's King George I? He wasn't originally British at all, but came from Hanover, at that time an independent Germanic kingdom. He's the bloke responsible for why today we call the river Thames "Temmes" and not the original "Thaymz".

He could barely speak English. Upon learning of the Thames, he'd always say "Der Temmes, der Temmes", and no-one could get him to pronounce otherwise. But what the hell. If your King tells you something's called Temmes, then you bloody well do as you're told. It caught on fast. Within a generation, common usage and pronunciation of "Thames" was now "Temmes", and it continues to this day.

So isn't your solution obvious? Simply pretend to be a hideously powerful and magnificent monarch from the far land of Foreign. Refuse to elaborate on your origins further. Wear ermine robes three miles long. Hurl tungsten-platinum goblets of $5k Chateau Petrus at beggars and CEOs alike. Purchase separate stretch-Hummers for each individual ass-cheek.

Then, once your local populace is sufficiently docile and overawed at your humongousness, spray skunk spray on every other bit of your local universe except your dog. With any luck the locals will deem it the latest new Thames-esque fashion from Foreign, and squeeze skunks galore onto every non-canine object in sight. Problem solved.

... On second thoughts, actually perhaps it's a good thing you're getting the next flight out of there. Might get a bit whiffy.

Original: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...