When I was a boy, around 8-10 years old, I'd heard about sex but had almost no idea what sex actually involved. Apparently girls have this Thing called a vagina? And apparently my dick goes into it? Somehow? How? At age 8, I'd also had zero idea that erections were a Thing. Wouldn't one's dick flop and squidge everywhere? How do grown-ups even manage penetration? A splint, perhaps? How would you even attach it? Internally, perhaps? Is that what urethras are for?

The only mental image, the only reference point my life had thus far bestowed was, you know how when you're vacuuming? And you'd left out a pair of socks, or some pantyhose? The vacuum cleaner inhales and slurps them in a split-second and you have to battle the cleaner head to get them back.

For a year or two, really-young-me half-decided that's how vaginas must operate when enticing penises. I'd figured that presumably when grown-up women desire sex, they simply cock a leg and INHALE. A deafening roar kicks off, and the family dog barks himself hoarse, and all penises in the vicinity begin to rise and sway like seaweed, then twirl and whiplash like laundry in a gale, then at last kapow towards their vaginal destiny like gecko tongues converging on an extra-tasty locust.

By the time I'd reached non-virgin time, I'd forgotten all about this and it sadly never occurred to me to ask my then-lover to crank up her own vaginal tornado, more's the pity, until I hit my mid-twenties and was hosting a party. Drink flowed, chat chatted, life was good.

This exact question came up. And a flood of delightful memories tumbled from me. I recall feeling immensely pleased at making one of my female friends shriek with laughter until she choked on her drink.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1mrovb...

https://mikey-clarke.medium.com/whats-the-most-hil...