As a girlie who's never seen a d*ck before but is soon going to, I really need some advice... What am I expected to do with it?
I'm so glad you've come to me! Your worries are over. There's nothing a truly respectable and prestigious penis respects more greatly than a good old-fashioned battle for social dominance. Fight fire with fleshy fire. Challenge Earl Floppy to your classic old-school duel. Pistols at dawn, baby. A properly conservative schlong will yum that shit up and adore you forever.
If you're wondering how a (human(?)) penis could ever operate a firearm: trust me, you haven't lived until you've witnessed a properly classy gent train both his foreskin's and urethra's prehensility to godlike levels. He can tap-dance over molten lava prick-first, hovering and twanging aloft like some kind of penisey pogo stick. Same with guns. All the old school nobility are crack shots with cocks. Bring along a pair of muzzle-loading duelling pistols and perhaps a pint apiece for some sweet post-duel suds, and your fleshy new chum will never be happier.
The bloke it's attached to might object though. You'd better butter him up. Propose a threesome.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2026/3/at-last-an-e...