Even wholesome-er parenting and pistol-whipping infants at dawn: today's TERRIBLE advice

24 Nov 2021

Inka asks

Ok guys, having my first child on Friday. Never even held a baby since my cousin was born in 1997.

Best ways to keep baby alive?

My answer

Tough love. Challenge it to regular duels. Pistols at dawn. Show that little bastard who's boss.

Consent is sexy❤

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.