Published on: 08 Nov 09:07

Katey asks

Trying to think of a Halloween costume for my son. He's fifteen months old. Main issue is that my mother-in-law thinks so many things are evil because she's a very devout southern Baptist, and I don't feel like dealing with her being a bitch any more than she normally is. So what would be a good, Christian-friendly costume for a baby/toddler for this rather pagan holiday?

No OOC. I need lols because I love Halloween and she's making me hate it.

My answer

Is your mother-in-law a heavy sleeper? I bet we could design for her some kind of stealthy three-piece Satan suit. Apply it to her whilst she slumbers, so that when she wakes, she'll have zero clue how or why she wears it. Sprinkle a few dozen empty gin bottles around her. Each morning, claim complete ignorance. Ask her what the hell she's playing at, wearing that damn nonsense. Ask her what on earth would possess a good wholesome God-fearing Christian lady like her to cosplay as Satan. Has she gone completely mad? She's not going senile, is she? Ask her if she's met a certain fellow called Jesus. Ever heard of him? Jesus? No, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Him. Looks like she could do with his touch. Tell her that her years of Baptist Views had truly enlightened your childhood. You took her seriously. You looked up to her. Held her in high esteem. And now this. Her prior pulpit-thunder wasn't 100% bullshit, was it? No? Then take that ridiculous thing off and try to look presentable.

Next night, do it all over again. Repeat every night, five thousand times in a row, and she may believe that she's just just simply possessed by Satan, but that she is Satan.

Finally, each morning, also dress up your infant son as a Ghostbuster and tell him and/or her to attack her.

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