Today's TERRIBLE advice: the sublime wisdom of getting off my damn lawn ya damn punks

11 May 2022

Rhett asks

So, I've had it. My lawn is growing WAY too fast. It grows in a day.

What some things to do that'll slow it down while also keeping the neighbors "happy"?

My answer

Carefully remove your lawn's turf, excavate a cavity below your lawn's real estate to the depth of a metre, construct one of those hydraulic remote-control-lowerable steel platforms in its place, the kind of thing you'd use to raise or lower Thunderbird 1, then replace the lawn turf on top of it. Now, as the days and months go by, slowly lower your hydraulically-adjustable lawn at the exact same rate that it grows, so that its topmost grass tips remain at exactly the same height, and any growth remains concealed. You may have to trim the tips like a particularly superb afro, though.

Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/get-off-my-l...

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