Image source: https://crane-brothers.com/dispatch/her-hitler
Dealership quoted me $1,100 to replace my front right axle. My dad says they’re scamming me because I’m a woman. What do? ( 2021 Hyundai Elantra hybrid )
Why not resurrect The Estrogen Plot in all its breastly splendour?
Never heard of The Estrogen Plot? Dude. Holy shit. You've just joined Today's Lucky 10,000. Welcome aboard!
Seriously tho m'bro, you've been missing out. The Estrogen Plot was unbelievable. It was a scheme hatched by MI6 and the Allies in World War 2, to subtly sabotage the hideous menace of the Nazi war machine. No doubt bog-standard chumps like you and I support this on general principles, but this particular sabotage scheme involved estrogen. So much estrogen. Allied spies planned to sneak it into Hitler's dinners.
They hoped this might make Hitler more feminine. And THEREFORE more docile.
This scheme never advanced past the early-planning stages, more's the pity, and not simply because the espionage experts responsible forecast that such hormones typically take months and months to make their voluptuous mark. History's unconscionable Hitler-Böobs-drought wouldn't break until 1947.
But MI6's loss is Makayla's gain! For you? The Estrogen Plot is perfect.
You reckon this dealership leans anti-female? Detect you a doctrine of Woman = Scammable? If they're scamming you, then they're likely scamming loads of other ladies. And other vulnerables. Pensioners, likely! WW2 vets. You're thus in wicked luck: these are the two groups most raring to rally to your particular anti-scam banner. Wisely brandish and publicise your Estrogen Plot and you'll win allies galore.
Make, therefore, a deliberate showing of playing by this dealership's rules. Out-con the cons! Show these bastards who's boss. They deem womanhood a Scam Magnet, do they? Nail these fuckers with a gazillion biochemical sledgehammerings of WOMAN. Blammo the lot with a hydraulic avalanche of cloying pheromonal femininity. Then, once you've got 'em all nice and voluptuous, loudly scam them right back.
So first, spike the beverages of this dealership's entire personnel with estrogen, in vast, vast quantities. It's not that tricky, honestly. Just challenge the whole lot of 'em to a Saturday night drinking contest or something. Tell them that "estrogen" is the name of the hottest new liquor craze from, say, Rio de Janeiro. Cariocas are a boisterous bunch, they'd probably be into that. Sorted. So we're talking shots. We're talking pints. Standard estrogen concentrations in ladies varies from 10-400 pg/mL. That's picograms. A trillionth of a gram. Bah. Bah I say. Numpties. Amateurs. Dingbats. Softcocks. Filthy casuals. As the evening advances and the booze flows ever more bountiful-er, hit these dealership bastards with estro-kilos galore. We're talking yard glasses. We're talking kegs. We're talking Grrl-Powah mega-enemas. Come dawn, you'll have transubstantiated each of these pricks into entities gazillions times more womanly even than you. You've Upgraded these curmudgeons into that which they fear most.
Second, you've now got your dealership adversaries conked out and voluptuousified into sexist oblivion. You're well on the way to winning the Woman demographic. Fab. Now let's champion your neighbourhood war vets. Dress up your dingbat dealership drones in SS uniforms. Your aim is to depict them as hideous Nazi threats to neighbourhood tranquility, and persuade both local women and WW2 vets that they're 100% deserving of your vigilante estrogen-vengeance. Their breast growth rates will be of stupendous grandeur, so ensure the uniforms are extra-stretchy to the point of rivalling Hulk-Shorts. Position their slumbering forms around their dealership premises in a series of increasingly humiliating and/or hilarious poses, and take a gazillion photos of maximum incrimination.
Awesome. You've amassed not only years of scammy blackmail fodder, but you'll surely make a gazillion centenarian WW2 veterans' dreams come true. Come on. Surely they of all people have earned a Nazi-Trounce Nostalgia Tour. If not, then geez, I hate to think just how vast-er and hideous-er a war than World War 2 you'd think they'd first need to fight to meet your exacting Hitler-Böobs standards.
Now, strategically superglue these SS uniforms in place, high heels and everything. And wait.
Your dealership adversaries awake at last, more buxom than ever.
As they rub the hangover-gunk from their sleepy peepers, step them through The Estrogen Plot. Flaunt your blackmail triumph. You've out-scammed them, suckah! Inform them that twin mobs of Ladies and Vets imminently accrete and thirst to pulverise stacked SS Scammers like theirs truly. Unless they do exactly as you say.
Inform them that, for starters, if they forgo their $1,100 fee for replacing your car's front right axle*, you'll not only sell them THIS bottle of superglue solvent for the low, low price of $1,100, but you'll also extend a generous olive branch, and guide these breastly blokes through the Calculator App at https://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits/. Carrot and stick, baby. They'll be ever so grateful.
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* "Front right axle"? Holy shit. I can't believe I'd banged out this entire article, but only just now paid proper attention to your wording, and your appalling grasp of vehicle terminology. 2021 Hyundai Elantras don't have front right axles. They've got front axles and front-right wheels, just like any other car. Good lord. What a dumdum. Your own dad didn't even correct you. A chip off the old block, eh? No wonder your dealership is scamming you. You're both such juicy targets! I've changed my mind. Let natural karma take its course. Let them scam you. But conduct the Estrogen Plot anyway. Your dingbat-itude is totally unrelated to granting local war vets their extra-breastly Nazi-Trounce Nostalgia Tour. Make them proud.