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Kapowing distinguished gents into the ionosphere 24/7 via wholesome sideboob: today's TERRIBLE ...

ProductiveAvocado681 asks Husband’s porn addiction is so bad he can barely function. What do? Make me laugh because this is the one addiction I can’t live with. Porn was allowed in our relationship. There was no reason for him ...

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Debauchery, drugs, jazz, communes, beatniks, lentils, oral sex, midnight frolics, witchcraft, ...

花栗栖 asks I’m a man and I just bottomed for another man. What do now?? My answer I feel you there, bro! Er. Figuratively. Don't ever beat yourself up about having incredibly mixed feelings concerning bottoms and ...

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The Cool Cats Avian Apartheid club, Antifa dweeb-0-s beware: today's TERRIBLE advice

Kim asks I have a lot of bird feeders and this year, we have a record migration of juncos, which makes me very glad, but it also pleases the neighbour's cat who hunts my little winged friends. I want to discourage the cat from ...

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AT LAST an etiquette guide on pistol duels against paleoconservative Gentleman-penises: today's ...

GrayHeron9112 asks As a girlie who's never seen a d*ck before but is soon going to, I really need some advice... What am I expected to do with it? My answer I'm so glad you've come to me! Your worries are over. There's nothing a ...

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Today's TERRIBLE advice: how George Foreman being an oafish piece of poontang dovetails with ...

Pat and/or Mohammed Ali asks after sleeping with my mistress and going three rounds last night..,, i am as sore as hell ,.. and now my girlfriend is planning a romantic night tonight with fireplace and all,.. how do i avoid sex ...

Sexyverse book cover design contest gets seriously molten

[First written in March 2023, and I'd only just now realised I'd not posted this! Posting now:] Slightly naughty content ahead! I’ve been banging out a series of stories, and the time has come to publish. That means neat cover ...

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Today's TERRIBLE advice: on protecting your front bottom from relativistic man-swords by ...

Merry asks Husband is fairly well endowed, definitely above average. He’s always been able to put a hurting on that kitty. I lost a bunch of weight and now the kitty is more accessible and doesn’t have any cushion in the way. He ...

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Today's TERRIBLE advice: on relieving one's gay anxieties via Robocop, Alex Jones, Pepe Le Pew, ...

Gino asks How to stop being self-conscious about being g@y? My answer Dude! Isn't it obvious? Just provoke every single person, object and abstract concept in the entire universe into becoming even gayer than you. Here's what you ...

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Today's TERRIBLE advice: the sublime wisdom of blending Al-Capone-esque rival-whacking tactics ...

Tifani asks got this text today from someone i’ve been seeing (2 dates), what do? My answer It's ... it's obvious, isn't it? You two lovebirds simply need to close your relative Slut Gap, pronto, via galactic quantities of mutual ...

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Today's TERRIBLE advice: on obsoleting all car locksmiths via strategic Onanism

A valiant early attempt at blending cars with domiciles. Incidentally, turns out it's really difficult getting decent-quality photos of cars crashing into houses. You'd be astonished how little stock photography there is of such ...

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Why pirates despise anthropomorphising hen-party bananas

Chris asks My family is upset with my purchase shown, and want me to get rid of him… Instead I’m thinking about becoming a pirate. Any leads? My answer Maybe the reason your fellow parrots are so upset with you purchasing that ...

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The surprising advantages of romancing the STDs themselves

Image source: https://www.oglaf.com/gifted2/, seriously, it's amazing, read both this and its part 2 and also its prequel Andrew asks I got a vasectomy so I could have a bunch of unprotected sex with no consequences but I've been to ...

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.