Published on: 11 Dec 02:29

Brie asks

Just tested positive for COVID yesterday

What do

My answer

Take a leaf out of the Old Testament and take an eye for an eye. That little fucker thinks it can infect you? Infect that Covid virus right back. Time to fight fire with fire.

Here's how. You'll need the following team:

• Someone able to peel off an egg's entire shell and keep it in one contiguous piece
• A professional bubble-blower able to produce soap bubbles 20-30 metres wide
• One of those mad bastards who get their jollies from shoving their heads into open lions' mouths
• A representative from either the Mursi people (the one whose members stretch their lower lips around those huge hoops to make themselves even sexier) or your local flanneled hipster already schooled in such dark arts

Combine their powers like an unholy Captain Planet. Locate a single Covid virus. Puncture it. Inflate and stretch and widen that fucker until it's two metres across. Then climb inside. Now go about your daily business, wearing it like a latex catsuit. Or the sheerest pantyhose in the world. Hell, play your cards right and you could start a fab new fashion trend.

Bingo. Don't appreciate being infected with Covid? You've infected Covid right back. Problem solved.

Edit: just realised. No problem not solved. That's one Covid virus down; seven hundred million quintillion to go. You cannot rest until you're wearing every single Covid virus ever bred, like infinity horrible ponchos. You've got work ahead. Get cracking.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...