Landlord keeps choosing our flat to show potential new tenants round (it's one flat of multiple identical ones within same block). How do we get them to start showing one of the other flats instead of ours?
This may take some preparation. First, approach and seduce every single member of the landlord's extended family. This is key. This is crucial. Ensure you've got the lot romantically and psychologically wrapped around your little finger.
Great, done. It's inspection day. The landlord opens your flat's front door to reveal you making sweet sweet love to the landlord's own spouse.
The two of you shriek and squeal, and clutch items of clothing to your persons, and scamper past them outside and away.
Ruffled, the landlord attempts to continue showing the potential new tenant inside. Both walk down the hall, into the kitchen ... and trip over you again making sweet sweet love, this time to their eldest offspring.
You two squeal anew, louder and shriekier, and scamper past them to outside safety.
Repeat for every single room in the house and every single family member. Every single room contains you and a landlord loved one, fucking each others' brains out. If your flat contains more rooms than the landlord has loved ones (disturbingly plausible for landlords incapable of love (i.e. most of 'em)), then simply fall back to some of their prettier-looking appliances. Ever tried to fuck a fridge? I have. Underrated! Produce thunderous humptacular frenzies of lust and scandal in every room: wherever the landlord and tenant venture, there you are, humping a loved one and/or whiteware. Bonus points for squirting hot jets of bodily fluids against throats. Make it spectacularly clear that, across the shared apartment block, in your flat and only your flat, your landlord will faceplant psychological and romantic devastation in vast and gorgeous quantities.
Finally, the next time the landlord+tenant appear near your shared apartment block, leave breadcrumb-trails to the entrances of every flat but yours of, let's say, paperwork printouts of tenancy-tribunal cases where the judge ruled in the landlord's favour, and to your flat, leave breadcrumb-trails of the contents of the landlord's own undies drawer.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/12/no-fridge-i...