Published on: 09 Oct 02:37

Delaney asks

My mom tested positive for Covid and I’m showing symptoms. My boss said I need to keep coming to work and just to wear a mask the whole time. What do?

My answer

Really? Does your boss genuinely think that mere mask usage will be sufficient to both halt Covid contagion and allow you to continue doing your job? I have no idea what the hell you do, so I can't immediately make any observation about what effect Covid may have on your job, but I'd imagine a profession Covid would wreck in a more entertaining way than usual is wetnursing for vampires, or at least entertaining for me, so I'll assume you do that.

The trick here is to trigger a Covid-based disaster of maximum embarrassment to your boss. Here's what you do. Arrive at work; apply a conventional allegedly Covidproof mask as per your boss's instructions; flop out your professional waps; identify your client's species as "vampire"; apply some kind of tungsten-chrome bikini to prevent your vampiric clients from biting your nipples off; watch as your juvenile clients attempt to latch on and their baby teeth skitter off the polished boob armour; laugh in their faces; then they too will realise they're vampires and leap up at your neck and suckle conventionally, and you'll kick yourself for not having worn a gorget or whatever the hell you call neck armour in your part of the world. Once your clients make you pass out from blood loss, try to get the last laugh over your boss by collapsing on both boss and baby vampire in an unusually hilarious fashion. For maximum fun, attempt to KO both with twin great floppy breast-wallops. You'll be the talk of the town.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...