Published on: 05 Feb 03:24
Image source: https://www.theunconventionalroute.com/oura-ring-r...
Vall asks
I’ve been crushing on one of my coworkers for years but kept my mouth shut because, y’know, professionalism.
He just discovered that he has cancer and will be undergoing major surgery for it ASAP.
What’s the best way to confess my feelings, to avoid causing him any additional stress in this deeply personal, challenging time?
***No OOC please. I’m not going to say anything. Just looking for a laugh because I’m sad/worried for him.
My answer
Propose to him. In style. Embed within your beloved's tumour an engagement ring, either by itself or inside one of those black-velvet presentation boxes, accompanied by a few party poppers designed to explode in the surgeons' faces as they remove it. You know. Something tasteful. A bit of pizazz.
The idea is to find some way of burying the ring and the party poppers inside the tumour without his knowledge, or the surgeons' knowledge either, so that when they discover them it's a surprise all round. Maybe some kind of Cancer Ring supplement? Start one of those hipster biohacker companies promising health supplements that return the gloss to your cheeks and spring in your step and blood to your gonads, but the capsules in actuality contain some kind of disassembled or tightly coiled engagement ring that when swallowed, the target's stomach acids remove the outer capsule coating, as per usual, but then ... I dunno, then, the coiled metal ring is coiled in such a way that its metal springs back into a ring-shape.
The remainder of the capsule's internal volume could comprise of some kind of cancer-cell Starter Kit. Problem solved. The ring and embryo-cancer then get lodged in your beloved's intestines, grow until detected and surgically removed, and only then do the surgeons discover the actual ring. Embedded in the tumour. With the engraved message "Oh god oh god I have always loved you marry me marry me PS as you can see, I am quite obviously a sorceress of dreadful powers, so should you DISPLEASE me you'll surely regret it, now marry me pretty please" carved around it like Sauron's One Ring. Easy peasy.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/po...
