I was in a car accident and I'm very embarrassed and upset. What should I tell insurance I was on so they don't know I wrecked it completely sober? That would be humiliating.
Source a personnel list of every single employee of your insurance company. Inform your insurance company that you were receiving road head from every single loved one of every single employee, all at once. Name every single one of them, and their personal habits, in disturbingly specific detail. Don't worry about getting those details correct; it's the spirit of the thing. Overwhelm your insurance assessors with a pungent tsunami of pseudofactoids until they give in. Ever felt baffled at the mystical media successes of Ben Shapiro? This right here is why.
Inform these insurance drones that receiving properly serious oral is like painting the Golden Gate Bridge: by the time an enterprising individual has managed to tongue their way along your organ's entire expanse, its starting regions have once again reverted to a dire need of oral attention. So naturally you needed to harness entire worker teams. It's also why your daily driver is that insanely long limousine that you see on the movie The Mask, as it's the only vehicle in the world able to transport your overengineered schlong. Tell them that, frankly, you'd been suspicious that the entire insurance company and all its employees had been performing one gigantic coordinated sabotage effort on you and your limo-penis, to force your car crash and remove you from their Problem Customer records, but turns out they're so magnificent at teamwork oral that you just couldn't bring yourself to blow the whistle on them.
Tell the insurance company exactly that. Once you've got their actual real employees baffled to the point of insanity and delirium from your bulletins of teamwork tonguing, you can then physically shove your already-smashed car through their home skyscraper's lobby, and they'll be so whacked out on your tall tales of Golden Gate fellatio that you could tell them it was actually their skyscraper that reversed into your car, and they'll believe it. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/show-those-p...