How to stop being self-conscious about being g@y?
Dude! Isn't it obvious? Just provoke every single person, object and abstract concept in the entire universe into becoming even gayer than you.
Here's what you do. First, sign up to every single abhorrent religious nutjob's Pray The Gay Away programme. The whole lot. All at once. Tell them, every last one of them, that you just love what they've done with their priest outfits, and you simply can't handle being apart. And it's entirely friggin' obvious to all concerned that their Praying The Gay Away makes each of them sprout a raging, frothing hatred-boner you can spy from space, and that makes them incredibly happy, and that makes you incredibly happy. So bring on the Praying, baby. First thing Tuesday.
Second, while you're waiting for them, amplify your personality. You'll need to fashion yourself into one of those friggin' earsplitting hyper-extrovert social tornadoes that sucks the social air out of even the raddest and magnificent-est par-tay through sheer force of abrasive personality, and leaves your audience emotionally pulverised within seconds, and thus pliant putty for some fragrant and gnarly personality imprinting.
Here's how. Inhale five cubic metres of Colombian Riverdance powder, then publicly challenge Alex Jones and BRIAN BLESSED to a three-way shouty shoutfest. Loser gets bummed. You three will be at it for years. You'll transform into the loudest and most charismatic object in the universe and in fine fettle to transmit your formerly bog-standard individual poofness into the faces of billions, like a magnificent halogen spotlight against a succession of wanker jellyfish.
You may now commence your fabulous gay provocations. At everyone and everything. Your relatively heterosexual surroundings just can't not comply. The Gay blasts from you, radiates from you, flees from you. You're becoming the bastard offspring of Pepe Le Pew and Robocop. You're raising the gayness of entire continents. You're a one-man MAN machine.
By now, your slavering army of abhorrent religious nutjobs should have assembled like dickhead Avengers. Let them do what they do best, and squelch your own gayness. Persist in their rotten works until random townsfolk start accusing you of being unconscionably straight. Trust me, girlfriend, I've been on both sides of that fence.
You are now the least gay object in the entire universe. It is therefore physically impossible to be self-conscious about being gay. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2026/1/todays-terri...