Today's TERRIBLE advice: on handling scalding soup with Chernobyl cunnilingus

8 Feb 2026

Image source: https://www.reddit.com/r/chernobyl/comments/1ddrbd...

Christian asks

soup is too hot what do

My answer

Why not do what I do? Hop in a time machine, jump back three decades and halfway around the world to the Chernobyl disaster, skip and sidle past the gazillions of Soviet soldiers and workers in the process of losing their shit, locate and approach the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant%27s_Foot_(Chernobyl), start cunnilinguing it like it's a radioactive Al Capone and you owe it half the moonshine in Chicago, get your innards nice and radioactive, undergo 27 million genetic mutations and transform yourself into a chitinous thermonuclear crab-creature acclimatised to Venus-level scorcher-climates, move to Venus, try not to tread on the Soviet Venera space-probe landers as they're valuable cultural antiques you friggin' Philistine, get yourself nice and toasty, then finally, attempt to drink this bloody soup of yours.

Your Venusian expat shenanigans will have made you far far hotter and your formerly scalding soup will now seem relatively cool. Problem solved.

Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2026/2/todays-terri...

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