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A magnificent golden chariot pulled by 100M 'roided mice

India asks How do I stop mice from stealing my meds? I've tried keeping it in a mouse proof container but then I j...

Choking tornadoes with millions of malnourished dieters

Shanna asks *edit* First batch is here. No more ‘lectricity… Bad weather coming tonight. Possible tornadoes. Wha...

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Humongous sex drive

Sydney asks how to avoid getting pregnant? My answer Are you male or female? Normally I wouldn't ask, but boy, y...

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The intermediate anus of daring and vigorous ambition

Elizabeth asks I’m getting major surgery on my throat on Monday. I want to spend my last day eating whatever I wan...

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The most abysmal paramour I've ever met

Winter asks I'm so hot people keep hitting on me everywhere I go -- my dentist, the cinema usher, random passers b...

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Actual literal sex trophies

Yasmin asks I got 30 minutes of sleep last night because of the sex trophies I have no coffee. How do I stay aw...

Three hundred Zimbabwean dollars

Darleen asks I want a puppy. She wants 300$ for this puppy which is a mixed breed. I can afford to vet a puppy ...

A horrible maternal Captain Planet

Njegoš asks Cousin and his wife keep calling me to come over and stay for a few days, but they have 3 spoiled chil...

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Menstruation is groß as in great

Tricia asks My male friend says periods are gross. How should i convince him that they aren't? My answer Are you...

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A particularly irresistible baby brother

Ashley asks My toddler told me last year I had a baby sister in my belly. She also told her teacher she (the teach...

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How to feel Joy

Lydia asks My depression has been extra spicy lately. What can I do to feel any joy?! My answer Feel Joy? ...

A payday-loan Ferrari from Sir Scarface

Andrew asks My girlfriend told me not to buy her a Christmas gift so as a fun little loophole in her wording I bou...

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.