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If you don't know, "NSFW" means "Not Safe For Work". PG/R/X-rated content. Raunch! Basically, all the good stuff.} posts
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NSFW Shite Advice

How to seduce Annatar, Lord of Fab

Image source: https://lieutenant-of-darkness.tumblr.com/post/158... SkiSakima asks I got psychosis and scared almost everyone away what do My answer Isn't it obvious? Just raise the average dread levels of the entire ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: how to become an Astroturf-esque Judge Judy

Jennifer asks My boyfriend is locked up waiting for his court dates. The lawyer we hired stopped responding I looked him up and the LAWYER is up for some very serious charges that just came about. Now I’m possibly screwed on the ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: how to make the Vomit Comet even more romantic

Meg asks Apparently no one likes to cuddle with me because my arms and legs are heavy. Plus, my fat stomach feels like a “heavy bowling ball” against their body. What do? My answer Ugh, yup. Been there too, girl. Here's what worked ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: punctuality is the politeness of bratty bratty princesses

Kaylah asks I transferred to a new location for my work and my new boss lectured me for clocking in a minute late a few times. I feel so bad that my tardiness is causing issues at my job, how do I make it up to her 🥺 (If something ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: concerning the classic “whaddaya MEAN ya can’t paint red lights green” ...

Rhett asks I'm tired of stoplights taking too long to change for me. Half the time, they change for no reason and give the ghost traffic in the turning lane, a green arrow. How do I show the light who's boss? My answer Isn't it ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: the swimmiest flatulence cure you’ve ever encountered

Justyce asks I am full of gas. It's so bad that it hurts. What can I do to relieve the pressure?? My answer Why not go swimming at the bottom of the Mariana Trench? It's 11km deep. Your inside and outside pressures will equalise ...

NSFW Shite Advice

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: why no train driver will ever admit that all trains are inflatable

Strumpets! STRUMPETS! Jimmy asks What is the best way to jump on a fast moving train? I always wanted to try this! My answer It's a well-kept secret that all trains are inflatable and springy, like bouncy castles. And sexually ...

NSFW Shite Advice

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: how to enter and pilot your FWB’s SO like a fleshy tuxedo

Tristen asks Fwb was not single what do 💀 My answer Unleash some good old-fashioned Stalinist Peoples' Wrath on your FWB's SO. Stalin, for all his other faults, was always amazing at mustering and unleashing the Peoples' Wrath ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: why Caesarian sections aren’t as gay as you’d feared

Irene asks Hey guys, I had my baby on the 12th, surgery was COMPLICATED and thankfully baby is okay now (we did have a scare she was blue and not breathing when she came out but they got her through with oxygen). my c section was not ...

Today's TERRIBLE advice: you young-'uns can't appreciate properly matured strawberries

Liberty asks a couple strawberries were covered in mold, i just bought them yesterday. what do My answer Yup. We've all been there. No-one enjoys nasssty strawberry infestations on crops of perfectly good mould. Original: ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: the liver is evil and must be punished

Kirsten asks I have massive trust issues and get worried/anxious when my bf goes out drinking w/out me. What do? My answer Isn't it obvious? Here's what I usually do. Works a treat, trust me. Create a brand new disguise persona ...

Today’s TERRIBLE advice: the second-hardest problem in web-dev is naming things

Alexandria asks What should I name my new cat? . . . . Ooc: I'm looking for the stupidest names, so far Im liking- October 15th, (no relevance to anything important just a random date) Tuesday, pot roast, Nickles, waffle house ...

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.