Published on: 15 Dec 21:30
Molly-Beth asks
my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday but weβre still going to be friends.
my stomach hurts constantly and i canβt stop crying.
what do?
My answer
Either date a new bloke with a penis short enough to stop jabbing your fucking cervix every three seconds, or offer to circumcise your current bloke and accidentally-on-purpose get a bit carried away. That'll solve future tummy problems beautifully. Hell, that's probably why he broke up with you. He's likely an incredibly recent convert to Judaism, and yearned to prove his overpowering Jewishness to his new chums with a spectacular gesture like a super-DUPER-circumcision, but couldn't bring himself to do the deed by his own hand, and got shitty with you for not picking up on his billions of hints.
Happens constantly. I see it all the time. Had he been sneaking mini guillotines into your apartment? Had he taken up cigars, and then been waggling extra-expensive cigar cutters in your face? Perhaps bellowing "Dr. Mengele was generous enough to stockpile his beloved clients' foreskins, why can't you be more like him?" into your slumbering face at 4am? No? Yes? If you can't pick up on hints that blatant, no wonder he dumped you. He's probably whinging as much as you.
Dunno about your own waterworks though. Faceplant an opened rice sack? Works wonderfully with me. Maybe a bit too wonderfully. Apparently I've got a bit of a reputation among the local Asian supermarkets. Last time I tried to sneak in at 3am and drown my own sorrows and frustrations re my own girlfriend declining to attack my pavilion-sized foreskin with a lightsabre, turns out they'd put up barbed wire and posters around their rice vats saying GINGER SCRUFFY NOT WELCOME FIND YOUR OWN DAMN PSYCHOLOGIST LEAVE OUR RICE BE.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545286786317245/po...
