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7 Feb 2025
Shite Advice
The Alaska Purchase versus Butt Stuff
Jenny asks My boyfriend just bought me a trip to Alaska. Need to give him something very nice for Valentine’s Day to thank him. What do? Edit: Thanks for your responses. I’ve decided on butt stuff. Have a blessed ...
18 Jan 2025
Whimsy
How spaniels halt spirulina forming horrid balls of concrete
You know spirulina? It's dried algae powder. It's got one of the highest nutrient densities of any food ... but tastes like spaniel anus. It also clumps in water like no other powder I've ever known. It forms puny balls of horrid ...
18 Jan 2025
Shite Advice
You're the goddamn Picasso of Porsche-prangs
Dani asks I REVERSED THE WORK TRUCK INTO A PORCHE, WTF DO My answer Hack into your work's computer accounts, embezzle their official paperwork, whatever it takes, to make everything that's ever been written about your company claim ...
5 Jan 2025
NSFW Whimsy
In which I apply to become Fabio's PR spokesbloke
How might one apply to become Fabio's PR spokesbloke? Recently I was gobbling material for book covers, to complement the ones I'd thrown together at mikeyclarke.co.nz/apocalypse. Who's splashed across hundreds of 1990s romantic ...
3 Jan 2025
Shite Advice
How to convince insurance to pay for 150lb hippo skin removal
Brett asks I lost 150+lbs and I was going to have life changing skin removal surgery scheduled for a few days ago but insurance denied 100% of the cost of the procedure. What dooo? My answer I have no idea what species you are, but ...
29 Nov 2024
NSFW Shite Advice
Norwegian busses: the pinnacle of snooty vehicular entitlement
Hilde asks So screenshots wouldn't do any good as most of you can't read any Norwegian, but I got a: I saw you get of the bus at "location" and you have really sexy legs. Let's meet for reasons both of us would enjoy. What reasons ...
26 Nov 2024
Shite Advice
​Why your paramour rides your hairdo resplendent
Kira asks My bf told me he would like my hair if it was black, so I got black hair dye tonight. I'm Hella nervous. Should I just say fuck it and see how bad it turns out? My answer Careful! Learn from my mistakes, girl. A ...
17 Nov 2024
NSFW Shite Advice
A horrid rectal Rapunzel
Christina asks I just had to pull a long glob of my own 23” hair from out of my cats literal back end for like a whole minute because she likes to bite my hair when I’m sleeping and apparently she’s swallowing it too. Also I feel ...
17 Oct 2024
NSFW Whimsy
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: holy shit how had I missed this
I can't believe it. Somehow I’d spent my entire life missing out on The Rocky Horror Picture Show. What a thrill ride. As I write this I'm still partially deaf from seeing it four days earlier. Winter Jones invited me along to a ...
6 Sep 2024
Shite Advice
You'll be SO MANLY you'll make TESTOSTERONE look GIRLY
Katrina asks My boyfriend says he looks at naked girls on Instagram because he used to be a tattoo artist and it’s just art for him. But that’s literally all he reacts to. What do? My reply Why not do what I do? First up, befriend ...
14 Jun 2024
Shite Advice
How to induce a deluge of ten thousand astronomers by teatime
Laura asks A week ago my neighbor went bonkers because we asked her if she would turn off her porch light for a moment so we could get a good picture of the northern lights. She went bananas saying we were trespassing on her lawn ...
14 Jun 2024
Shite Advice
Ever considered giving all eight billion schmucks the same email ...
Chelsea asks Hello friends! My wife’s ex refuses to change her address. I’ve written return to sender and not at this address on her mail for the last year and a half to no avail. My wife has asked her to change her address. She ...
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