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Consent is sexy❤

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10 May 2025
NSFW Shite Advice
Today's TERRIBLE advice: on the sublime wisdom of bumming a 100-lion ...
Ashanti asks Mountain lion screaming outside my work what do? My answer Assemble another 99 of them, physically arrange them in order of trachea size like throaty Pan pipes, and start a 100-lion choir. Think of the publicity! ...
7 Feb 2025
NSFW Shite Advice
"Gentlemen, one of us may secretly be female!"
Jenna asks About to go into a job interview in a male dominated field. I am a cis female. What do? Hard mode: no moms, dads, or stripping My answer Get to know every single one of them, discover which male present is most into ...
7 Feb 2025
NSFW Shite Advice
The latest health breakthrough: Oreo enemas
Dylan asks I rearranged my Oreos but now don’t know how to eat them.. what do? My answer Why not open a really really really upmarket health salon? You could attract vast numbers of disgustingly wealthy clientele by announcing the ...
5 Jan 2025
NSFW Whimsy
In which I apply to become Fabio's PR spokesbloke
How might one apply to become Fabio's PR spokesbloke? Recently I was gobbling material for book covers, to complement the ones I'd thrown together at mikeyclarke.co.nz/apocalypse. Who's splashed across hundreds of 1990s romantic ...
29 Nov 2024
NSFW Shite Advice
Norwegian busses: the pinnacle of snooty vehicular entitlement
Hilde asks So screenshots wouldn't do any good as most of you can't read any Norwegian, but I got a: I saw you get of the bus at "location" and you have really sexy legs. Let's meet for reasons both of us would enjoy. What reasons ...
17 Nov 2024
NSFW Shite Advice
A horrid rectal Rapunzel
Christina asks I just had to pull a long glob of my own 23” hair from out of my cats literal back end for like a whole minute because she likes to bite my hair when I’m sleeping and apparently she’s swallowing it too. Also I feel ...
17 Oct 2024
NSFW Whimsy
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: holy shit how had I missed this
I can't believe it. Somehow I’d spent my entire life missing out on The Rocky Horror Picture Show. What a thrill ride. As I write this I'm still partially deaf from seeing it four days earlier. Winter Jones invited me along to a ...
8 Mar 2024
NSFW Shite Advice
Why Jabba the Hutt is a snazzier lover than you might think
Melanie asks How do I decline a date without hurting his feelings? Help. My answer Tell him this: "Oh for God's sake! Not again! You and I go through this every bloody Friday. We meet, we hit it off, we flirt, sparks fly, we ...
14 Nov 2023
NSFW Shite Advice
How not to be the aquatic equivalent of sheep-shaggers
Anastasia asks How do I tell my apartment manager "stop fv¢×ing ignoring me, this is really important and I'm sick of practically pulling teeth just to get anything done around here" without getting myself evicted? She constantly ...
25 Oct 2023
NSFW Shite Advice
For superior swimming results, replace each arm with a Falcon Heavy
Tara asks My arms are tired from working out. But I was planning on going to the gym to swim after work tonight and swimming wears out my arms. How do I recover? My answer Why not do what I do? Locate your nearest friendly ...
25 Oct 2023
NSFW Shite Advice
How to out-hipster every hipster: aorta bungy-cord piercings
Danielle asks My bf is being a dingbat lately. Not answering my questions, not calling me after he says he will, taking hours to respond to texts. Obv there’s something going on. He lives 2.5 hours away from me so I’m planning to ...
7 Oct 2023
NSFW Shite Advice
How to make a bear trap orgasm
This particular bear has informed me on a great many occasions that this is his cum face, and he's sick to fucking death of reminding me. Fa asks Periods doesn't stop my man from having me, what do My answer Stop ...
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